for you alex lol
one of the most insidious things about depression is it doesn’t ‘feel’ like depression. even when you have it, you know you have it, you’ve been diagnosed—you still find yourself thinking, no, nope, this isn’t it, can’t be. it’s like the mental illness equivalent of that knight in monty python that keeps going ‘it’s a flesh wound! i’m fine, really! this is just a scratch, i’ll be up in a moment!’ even after all his limbs have been hacked off and he’s lying there helpless.
one of the most common narratives around it is that no one realizes they have depression until they start checking off what they consider to be normal aspects of their lives—and personal character flaws— against the checklist for depression symptoms. really key symptoms include:
- lack of motivation
- constant tiredness, even exhaustion
- finding no pleasure or satisfaction in activities they used to like, or that they know should feel good
- not seeing the point of doing anything
- increased and even unmanageable anxiety and fearfulness
any one of these symptoms drains away your ability to do work, cope with setbacks, overcome difficulties, or stop procrastinating. multiple symptoms create a pretty perfect storm of intertia and anxious self-loathing. you stop doing anything because it’s hard to get going, unpleasant while you’re at it, and afterwards there’s no reward. why bother, right? and when you’re always tired you get conservative of what little energy you can manage, and when you only feel emotions on the ‘empty to miserable’ spectrum you get really aversive to making mistakes. the whole mess very quickly and very insidiously loads every single thing in your life with toxic emotional baggage.
and then someone says to you— or you say to yourself, ‘stop being lazy’. and that haunts you forever. because you’re lazy! the work is so easy. everyone else does it. everyone but you, you lazy asshole, lying around all day not doing this totally easy thing that you should be able to but aren’t. you don’t have depression! of course not. mental illness is for victims, is for blameless innocent people who can’t be blamed for being so understandably sick. but you can be blamed. you have a character flaw, and it’s getting worse by the minute.
and that is how people who have been diagnosed, who have been medicated, who have been through therapy, can still spend all day hiding in bed and chewing themselves up over their failure to just somehow magically be a good, healthy, useful person, instead of treating themselves to a sick day and saying ‘yup! it’s depression. i need to be kind to myself.’
when is her day off
The way to start is to honestly quit reading this sentence and begin painting, Period.
In fact, you shouldn’t even be reading this sentence right now, what are you still reading this for?
Stop. GO paint and come back in a few hours…I’ll wait here……
No really… GO
OK. Back? How was that? Sucks huh? You aren’t there yet. What’s in your head isn’t on the digital canvas yet. But it will be. Given time, energy, and patience. It will. You’re learning workflow. Lighting, where you like to start, if you enjoy working from a sketch or a blank canvas, what colors you enjoy seeing next to each other , and so many more ideas as you screw up, adjust, and paint some more. It’s all building up steam. But it just takes time and effort. Things many artists don’t like to hear. But the few who do? They have careers. Remember, the only difference between a professional and an Amateur is not quitting. Well that, and meeting your deadlines….. being personable…. giving the client what they want….oh and having a business sense…. well you get the picture.
For me, drawing is the first stage of a 4 part play.
I think a brilliant draftsman can get a job and keep it. But those people are rare in this industry. They’ll also have a certain something they add to their craft. Like Glen Keane is a brilliant draftsman and animator, Nico Marlet adds a tone and light pencil to his design work, etc etc.
But people identify with you as an artist if you have something to say with your art. Either it’s humor, sophistication, horror, story telling, etc.
It’s less about what do they want to see and more what do you want to show them. If you want to be a line art guru than own it. Learn a ton. Cross hatching, variations on pencil tone, strokes, thick to thin.
But don’t just “do something” because you think it will get you a job. What if it doesn’t? What if you spend the next 4 years doing it and you hate it and still no one hires you? So now you’re broke and hate painting……That will really suck. Learn to paint for the right reasons. If you want to be a better painter and it will help you become a fuller artist, that’s the right reason. So again…..quit reading this right now and paint…
We’ll wait here……
May you have enough money to pay your bills this month with a little extra left over for a bit of fun.
This is one of the nicest things to wish for someone
Etsy Store has been updated!! Finally got my print restock in, so the Junko and Utena prints are back online, and the Stardust Crusaders prints are available for the first time!
If you were planning on buying any of these, now would be a good time to get them! As I have nearly $300 worth of licensing fees to come up with for my new job hahaha…ha.
I stumbled upon this video a long time ago and it honestly made me feel a lot better.
"If you’ve never failed, you’ve never lived."
I could not fit everyone mentioned in the video in this post so be sure to give the video a look.
As someone who fails regularly, I find such comfort in this!
I like this a lot. My college creative writing teacher refused to read the revisions I had done on my stories because he said he knew I was a B student and that wasn’t going to change.
Stephen King’s college writing teacher didn’t think he was very good. My college writing class thought my writing was “babyish” and “stupid fairy tales.” The original teacher didn’t care for me, but she developed medical problems and was replaced by David Bradley, Jr., who made it plain he believed I had what it took. I don’t do writing classes or groups anymore, but I’m still in touch with Bradley, one of the finest writers I’ve ever read.
It’s Okay It’s Love(2014)
This drama is tragically and beautifully written. We rarely see the deglamorized reality of Mental Illness and the stigmas that come with it. I would highly suggest this drama to everyone! You don’t even have to be a drama fan to appriciate this amazingly well written story.
White men can take nations but they can’t take a joke
This is a generalization.
case in point
Retail jobs summed up